


Can Life Be Beautiful?

by samdil



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bombing, Bullying, M/M, Murder, Recreational Drug Use, Slurs, Stucky Big Bang 2016, Suicide, Underage Drinking, gender bent natasha, vague nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-06-08 17:51:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6867187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samdil/pseuds/samdil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is a senior in high school and everything is going fairly well. Sure he gets picked on sometimes, well a lot of times. Fine. All the time, but he knows life can be beautiful. He just needs to make it through high school. When a new guy blows into town, he quickly becomes infatuated, but when their high school romance ends up with a body count, it leaves Steve with one question. Can life truly be beautiful?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters used nor do I own Heathers The Musical, the play this work is based on. I did incorrectly characterize the characters so Bucky has motivation for his actions. Thanks for reading. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Beautiful  
Beep. There it was, the noise I had been dreading for the three short months of summer. Maybe I can stay home? Fake being sick and get one last day to prepare myself for school. I could, but should I? Probably not. I sighed and turned off my alarm before getting up. I’d just have to grin and bare it. I could do this. I got dressed and brushed the usual morning bed hair out. I can do this. I can totally do this. Right? I hope so.  
I sat on the bus and took a good look around at these kids that I’ve known all my life and I have to ask myself, what happened? I think that there’s good in everyone, but these people seriously make me question my judgment. We were all so tiny, happy. We used to all play tag together, but suddenly when we got bigger everything changed. It was like the huns invading Rome. I walked off the bus and prepared myself. Welcome to the thunderdome Steve. Only one more year. College will be paradise for me if I can make it past June. All in all though, life can be beautiful. I know it can. We all changed then, who’s to say we can’t again?  
“Ow!” Some freshman probably got pushed over. Guess we’re not changing today.  
“Are you okay? Do you need help getting up?”  
“I’m fine! Get away nerd!”  
“Oh-okay.”  
Nice to know even freshman think I’m a nerd. Slurs get thrown around left and right in the lunchroom, just like in the halls for the past 3 hours. Just in the last five minutes I’ve heard freak, slut, cripple, and about three kids say homo. Whatever, as soon as my letter comes from Harvard I’ll have something to look forward to, things will get better. Just think of all of the ivy colored walls, the smoky french cafes, but to get to that point I need to fight every urge to strike a match and set this dump on fire. Nathaniel Romanoff passed by and, per the usual my lunch tray was on the floor by the time he passed. This marks his third year as linebacker and his eighth year of smacking my lunch tray and being a huge dick.  
“Hey Steve!”  
“Oh! Hey Peggy!”  
Peggy has been my best friend for as long as we can remember. She has the biggest heart, but that’s not enough for these people. Here it's all about having the hottest body, or the richest parents.  
“Are we still on for movie night this week?”  
“Yeah, you’re on jiffy pop detail.”  
“I rented the princess bride. You know I’m a sucker for a happy ending.”  
I let out a small laugh at her excitement to watch the movie we both had memorized at this point.  
“Yeah, I am too-”  
My conversation was interrupted by Clint Barton. He’s the quarterback and just so happens to be the smartest guy on the football team. Which in all honesty, is kinda like being the tallest dwarf. I can’t say that out loud though, the last time I did I got punched in the face and called a faggot, and there goes Peggy’s lunch tray too.  
“Hey! Pick that up! Right now!”  
“Wait are you seriously speaking to me?”  
I gulped and took a deep breath before answering.  
“Yes. I am. What gives you the right to pick on my friend? You’re a high school has been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant.”  
He stepped closer and I stood my ground, even though I was terrified I stood still ready to accept whatever he was about to do. He put his finger on my forehead and pointed out a zit. People laughed at his “come back” if you can even call it that.Could be, and has been worse. Lunch then got even worse. They came in and per the usual everyone worshiped them. Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, and Thor Odinson. They call their clique the avengers for God knows what reason. Thor Odinson runs the yearbook. He’s loaded because his dad sells engagement rings. Bruce Banner? Well nobody knows exactly. Rumor has it his mom paid for his sister to get implants though. And finally, Tony Stark. The almighty. He might be satan himself, but my theory is yet to be proven. The three of them are never bothered, and I’d give anything to be like that.  
Before 6th period started I stopped by the bathroom and in there were, of course Thor, Bruce, and Tony. Bruce was throwing up his lunch.  
“Man up Bruce, bulimia is for chicks.” Tony said as he checked himself out in the mirror.  
“Ya know Bruce, maybe you should see a doctor.”  
“Yeah Thor, maybe I should.”  
I was about to get out of the stall when Mr. Fleming came in to chew the three of them out for being late.  
“Bruce wasn’t feeling well. We’re helping. How could you be so heartless?”  
“Not without a hall pass you’re not. Detention all three of you.”  
I walked out with a forged note from the yearbook teacher that was for the four of us.  
“Uh, actually we’re all out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee.”  
“I see you’re all listed. All right. Get to where you’re going”, and with that warning he left.  
Tony took the note out of my hands,  
“This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?”  
“Steve Rogers. I crave a boon.”  
“What boon?”  
“I want to sit at your table. Just once. You don’t even have to talk to me. If people think you tolerate me then they’ll leave me alone.”  
They all laughed, for some reason Thor was especially loud. Tony was the first to speak up among the three.  
“You know, for an absolute nobody, you have good bone structure.”  
Then Bruce, “you could afford to lose some weight though..”  
I was really confused by that, I was all bones, I’m actually underweight. Then things got creepy when Thor spoke up. I swear I could hear creepy music playing.  
“But you do have a symmetrical face. If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I’d have matching halves. That’s very important.”  
Tony spoke up again, “We’d need to change these clothes though. You look like a wanna be Marty Mcfly in this. Okay?”  
“Uh, sure?” 

The three of them came home with me that day to pick out a signature color for me to wear. Tony wore red suits everyday, Bruce green, and Thor yellow. They told me I should wear blue. They said it matched my eyes or something like that. I don’t know. All I know is that school is about to become so much better.


	2. Candy Store

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give feedback please! Enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 2: Candy Store  
_Dear Diary,_  
_It’s been three weeks since I became friends with the Avengers. Well, friends isn’t exactly the right word to use. It’s more like, we’re coworkers, and our job is being popular and shit._   
“Hey Steve, you really do look handsome these days.”  
“Oh, hey Peggy! Thanks, but it’s still the same old me.”  
“Are you sure?”  
She sounded upset, and it took a few seconds for it to click why. Maybe I had changed. I ditched my best friend for them.  
“I’m sorry I bailed on movie night, it's just I have a lot going on now.”  
She still looked disappointed as if she knew I was lying, that I just had a reputation to uphold now.  
“No..I get it. You’re with the Avengers now. That’s exciting.”  
“I guess so, look I promise next weekend we-”  
“Steve! Tony said to haul ass to the table pronto.”  
“How very.”  
I shrugged and gave Peggy an apologetic smile before following Bruce to our table.  
“Steve. I need a forgery in Nate Romanoff’s hand writing. You’ll need something to write on, Bruce bend over.”  
And just like that, he did. He was way too afraid of Tony for his own good. I leaned onto Bruce’s back ready to write whatever Tony had wanted me to. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m the one too afraid of Tony for my own good.  
“Steve. STEVE! Pay attention.”  
“Huh? Oh. Sorry Tony. What were you saying?”  
“Hello beautiful, I’ve been watching you and thinking about us in the old days. I hope you can come to my homecoming party this weekend. Miss you, Nate.” He paused, thinking of how he could make this worse for his victim. “Oh! And put an xo after the signature.”  
“Who’s this for anyway?”  
“I just found out that Nate used to hang out with Peggy Carter.”  
I hid my worry about my friend and tried to brush off the comment.  
“Yeah, in kindergarten. We all did.”  
“We did, but not all of us kissed on the kickball field.” Bruce said, talking to me as if I were stupid.  
Thor laughed at Bruce’s comment. “Oh right! Nate kissed Peggy Carter...it was disgusting.” With extra emphasis on the word disgusting. I was really starting to regret getting myself into this clique. If I hadn’t written that hall pass, how would things have played out? I looked over to Clint and Nate, they said something about being in the middle of a Heather Chandler, Veronica Sawyer sandwich. Probably some two freshman they wanted to prey on.  
Tony called Nate over to us, “Do me a favor and give this note to Peggy Carter for me.”  
“Gross. Since when do you talk to that lardo?” He went to open and read the note, but Tony stopped him before he could.  
“Don’t read it. Just give it to her. It’s personal.”  
“Nate. Don’t worry about it. I’ll give it to her.” I quickly took the note from Nate’s hand and he walked away.  
Tony looked at me as if he wanted to kill me. He probably did.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Please don’t do this. Not to Peggy.”  
Bruce rolled his eyes at me, “What do you still care about her? Come on, it’ll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks.”  
“Shut up Bruce.”.  
“Sorry Tony.” I hated Bruce, but I almost pitied him for the way Tony treated him. He was treated worse than the rest of us. He got screamed at whenever he spoke out of turn. The rest of us just got death glares.  
“Tony please, Peggy has had a thing for Nate for twelve years. This would kill her.”  
“Are we gonna have a problem?”  
Here we go, another one of his dramatic monologues about how I can listen to him, or go back to being a loser.  
“Do you got a bone to pick? You’ve come so far so why now is it that you’re pulling on my dick? You know I’d normally slap your face off. So everyone here could watch, but I’m feeling nice here’s some advice. Listen up fuckwad.” If anyone knew how to make real life seem like a cheesy high school movie, it was him.  
“You know me Steve, if there’s one thing I like to do, its making the lives of nerds like Peggy fucking miserable, and if you don’t have the balls to do it, well you can go back to playing dolls with Peggy. Maybe let your mommy make you a snack. If you stick with us though, you can come smoke and pound some rum and coke with the hottest cheerleaders. Or, in your case..well I’m sure that at least ONE football player is a fag. So, just prove you’re not a loser anymore and do this.”  
“I’ll do it. Just not to Peggy. Please, not to her.”  
“Look, you can have everything you’ve wanted; but only if you say goodbye to shamoo over there.”  
Thor stepped in to further drill in Tony’s point, “That freak’s not really your friend y’know. If she had the shot you do, well, she’d leave you to rot.” He looked at me with this fake pity as if I were really stupid enough to believe any of what he was saying.  
Tony’s monologue apparently was a group effort today, even Bruce was allowed to speak up, “If you don’t care though, fine. Braid her hair. Sesame street is on somewhere.”  
“Or you can forget that creep, and get in my car while we all tear up my ex’s lawn.” Tony told me, as if that sounded fun, maybe for him. I like to think that I’m not that petty.  
“This isn’t right Tony. What did she do to you?”  
“She didn’t do anything, it’s just fun.”  
“Yeah, but what’s the point of all this?”  
“Again, it’s fun. Look Steve, you don’t have to do this. I have to warn you though, if you keep testing me, you can and will end up like sweet Peggy over there.” He gave the note to Bruce and he put it on Peggy’s lunch tray.  
I went up to Peggy, having every intention of telling her what was going on, but then I saw how happy she was.  
“Steve! Nate invited me to his homecoming party! I told you there was still something there. This proves it! He’s been thinking about me! I’m so happy.”  
Two options were running through my head. Humiliate her now, or later. Would she really come to the party anyway? I’m sure she has better things to do with her time. I looked over at the three of them, they all looked at me expectantly. Almost as if they knew I would go for the latter option. I gave her a fake smile.  
“Color me stoked.” I walked back over to them, feeling disgusted with myself. Tony put his arm around me.  
“You made the right choice Stevie.” Funny, it doesn’t feel like I did.


	3. Fight For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated! Enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 3: Fight for me  
“You shouldn’t have bowed down to the swatch dogz and diet coke heads.”  
I looked down at the boy sitting on the floor. He had long brown hair, and was wearing a trench coat, normally I would write him off as sketchy and walk away, but he had a point. I shouldn’t have done that. We stared at each other for a few seconds, I was staring in confusion more than anything. He was staring, with a “you know I’m right” face on.  
“ I’m sorry, what?”  
“You clearly have a soul, you just have to work harder to keep it clean.” and just like that, he went back to his book and went to walk away.  
“Um, excuse me. You can’t just say that and walk away. I didn’t catch your name.”  
“I didn’t throw it.”  
He turned around again, I wasn’t sure if he knew what he was doing, but I was seriously attracted to this deep “I don’t care attitude”.  
Nate and Clint were being well, themselves talking about God knows what before they went up to super hot no name kid. Clint wrapped his arm around him and screamed in his ear,  
“Hey sweetheart! What did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving out to Sherwood Ohio?” He dragged out the word Ohio for an unnecessarily long time period before Nate had his arm on his other shoulder.  
“My buddy Clint just asked you a question.”  
“Hey Nate, doesn’t the cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule?”  
“Seems to have an open door policy to assholes though.”  
“Hold his arms.” , but before they could get a hold of him, no name kid hit them with his book. Followed by him hitting Clint in the balls and decking Nate right across the face. Holy shit, the world slowed down as I watched the whole thing go down. Look, I don’t usually watch crap like this. It’s not who I am, but with this kid? Damn. I could make an exception. I have to know him, but how would I even start a conversation with him? ‘Hey. Mr. no name kid, so who might you be?” I couldn’t exactly just ask if he’d fight for me, he probably wouldn’t even want to be seen with me. I’m just a scrawny kid in a nice suit. He’s well, I don’t know, and that bothers me. I can usually read people easily. I just can’t figure out this kid’s deal.  
_Dear Diary,_   
_There are so many questions I want to ask this kid. Some of them more cheesy and romantic. I’d definitely want to ask if he’d hold my hand and we could walk through no man’s land together. I mean, it’s fine if he doesn’t agree, but if he’d fight for me I’d sure as hell try to do the same for him._  
Woah, he can really throw a punch. He’s lasted way longer than I thought he would. So hey, if he’s free sometime, I’d definitely like to spend some time together, that is if he’s still alive. He just head butt both Clint and Nate. The two of them fell to the ground and he just fixed his hair. There is no way he doesn’t know what he’s doing. He knows that he’s driving me wild. Yup.  
After school Tony, Bruce, Thor and I were playing croquet in my yard.  
“God Steve. Drool much? You practically came in your pants over that new kid.”  
“I don’t know what you mean I didn’t-”  
“Hey boys! I made some pate. Do you want any?”  
Tony looked at the plate with disgust, “That’s not pate. It’s liverwurst.”  
My mother laughed uncomfortably. Good to know she hates him as much as I do.  
“Oh Tony, she knows. It’s a little family joke we have.”  
“Oh. Funny.” He rolled his eyes. There was no reason to be so rude about everything.  
“So any plans tonight?” She asked us, still holding her fake smile.  
‘Yeah. Nate Romanoff is throwing a homecoming party so I’m gonna catch a ride with Tony and them.  
“Speaking of which,” He said, dropping his ball on the plate before walking away with Thor and Bruce.  
“Gotta motor mom.”  
“Alright honey, but don’t let these popular boys change you. You have other friends you know. Like Peggy.”  
“Maybe I want more out of like than liverwurst mom.” I walked out of my yard and caught up to the three of them.  
“We’re stopping at 7-11 and you’re gonna get cornnuts. It’s not a party without cornnuts.” Tony said as he pulled out of my driveway.


	4. Freeze Your Brain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so someone left a comment asking if this was a stony or stucky fic and it's stucky. It's just bucky hadn't become a huge role yet, and I was conveying that Tony was very 'flirty when I need to get something' so if that came off the wrong way tell me and also give me some advice on how to fix it. Thanks for the feedback and more would be appreciated. Enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 4: Freeze Your Brain  
I walked into the small store intending on wasting as much time as possible. I was seriously dreading having to watch my best friend get humiliated in front of the entire senior class. Tony honked the horn from outside the store.  
“Don’t forget the Cornnuts! It’s not a party without cornnuts!” He screamed, already losing patience with how long I’m taking. Good, he can fucking wait.  
“BQ or plain?”  
“B-Q!”  
I went up to the counter and grabbed two bags from the shelf. When I had looked up no name kid was there. It seems like we just can’t stop running into each other.  
“Greetings and salutations. Want a slurpie with that?” He said to me in the same smug tone he used when we first spoke.Alright Steve, don’t waste this chance. Try to flirt with him.  
“No, but if you’re nice I’ll let you buy me a big gulp.” Really Steve? That’s your line?  
He smiled at me, I’m pretty sure he was trying to turn on the charm. Definitely didn’t need him to do that. Nope. No thank you.  
“Ah, Come on, that’s like going to McDonald's and ordering a salad. Slurpie is the signature dish of the house. He grabbed a cup before turning back and asking me if I said I wanted cherry or lime.  
“I said big gulp. I’m Steve by the way, are you ever going to tell me your name?”  
“All in the suspense.” He hit me with another one of those smiles, “My names James Barnes. People call me Bucky.”  
“About lunch today. Pretty extreme.”  
“ Well the extreme always makes an impression.” He wasn’t wrong. No name kid, who I now know as Bucky had been all I could think about since lunch today. I let out a laugh, I don’t know why. I’m seriously ruining this for myself. Alright Steve. Turn the charm on, whatever that gives me is better than what I have now.  
“So, what’s a badass like you doing in Sherwood Ohio?”  
“My dad’s work. He owns a deconstruction company.”  
‘Deconstruction?”  
“Yeah, my old man seems to enjoy tearing things down. Have you seen his ad?” He used his best mocking, hyper masculine voice, “My name’s big bang barnes if it's in the way I’ll make your day!” He embellished the act with a jerking off motion. I laughed at his father’s ad, which I practically had memorized by now from it being on so much.  
“Yeah. and then he pushes the plunger and the screen blows up.” I laughed again before stopping myself.  
“That’s your dad?”  
“All in his semi psychotic glory.” His charming tone was gone and he looked almost, grim. Tony honked the car horn again.  
“STEVE! HURRY UP!”  
“You know, I don’t really like my friends.”  
“I don’t really like your friends either.” His smile was back already, almost as if he just turned off his bad feelings and went back to being happy.  
“Ditch the party. Stay here.” How could he stay so casual about everything? I’m dying over here.  
“Hm, a 7-11..”  
“Well, it’s my favorite place.”  
“No offense, but why?”  
He sat up on the counter, “I’ve been to ten high schools, and they start to get kinda blurry. There’s never been a point planting roots because we always leave so soon. My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den, so it’s only a matter of when. I don’t learn their names or faces. All I can trust is this concrete oasis. Everytime I’m about to despair, there’s a 7-11 right there. Every store is the same. In Las Vegas, all the way out to Boston. Its nice, grounding. And, of course, the sluripe. I live for the sweet frozen rush it gives me. Especially when it gives me brain freeze. Happiness comes when everything is numb, who needs cocaine? Just, ‘freeze your brain’ as I always say. Care for a hit?”  
“Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?”  
“Not anymore. When mom was alive we lived somewhat normally. Now it's just me and dad. I learned the basics. I can cook pasta, pay rent, and if there’s one thing I learned it's that the world doesn’t owe me a cent. You on the other hand, you’re planning that future of yours. You’ll go to college. Marry some lawyer, but the sky’s gonna hurt when it falls. If I were you I’d start building some walls. Freeze your brain; shatter your skull, fight pain with more pain. Just forget who you are. Unburden your load. Forget in six weeks you’ll be back on the road to god knows where. When that tiny voice in your head says you should be dead, don’t cut yourself. Just, freeze your brain”  
I looked at him skeptically, maybe he was easier to get to open up than I thought. Just get him talking about, slurpies of all things.  
He handed me the cup, “Try it.”  
I took the cup from his hand and took a huge sip from it.  
“I don’t really see what you-” then it set it Jesus Christ he was right. “Son of a bitch.”  
Tony had finally lost all his patience and he came in, “Steve.”  
“Oh, I gotta go.”  
“So I see.” He looked disappointed that I was leaving, he actually wanted me to stay. Wow.  
“Did you get the cornnuts?”  
“Yeah they’re right here.” I told him, grabbing the two bags off the counter.  
“Say bye bye to red dawn here and let's motor!” He walked out and back into the car.  
“I-I’ll uh see you around.” he didn’t respond so I just left and followed Tony outside.


	5. Big Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the chapter! Feedback would be nice!

When we had gotten to the party things were just about heating up. Maybe I should have ditched and just hung out with Bucky for a while. He’s definitely a nice break from the people at school. I don’t know, might as well make the best of this I guess. Nate and Clint were flirting with some girls, offering to go skinny dipping and rub each other’s backs. Tony, Bruce, and Thor were doing shots, and thankfully Peggy hadn’t shown up yet.   
How many shots have I done at this point? I can’t have taken that many. I feel great.   
“Alright. So it’s salt, and then lime, and then...shot!”   
Bruce rolled his eyes, “No, its salt and then shot and-”   
“You’re doing it **WRONG!** ”   
I looked at the both of them for a second, “Nah. This is totally right.”   
Some girl had pulled me over into a joint circle, and at this point I was not only drunk off my ass, but stoned as fuck. I should probably call it quits. Wait, they’re rolling another blunt. I want a hit. I swear everyone’s high as a kite here. Well, nobody’s here tonight to stop us, so why not make the most of it? My feeling of elation quickly depleted when Peggy walked into the yard.   
“Peggy! I-uh...didn’t think you’d come.”  
“It’s exciting right?! Oh, excuse me I’m going to go say hi to Nate. I brought sparkling cider!” I pulled at her sleeve and she turned around at me.  
“Is something wrong?”   
I looked at her, and I looked at Tony, then back at Peggy. I turned back to Tony so I wouldn’t have to look her in the eyes. “Nothing, just uh...go knock em dead tiger.”   
She smiled at me, she looked so happy. I couldn’t be the one to crush her. Hopefully it wouldn’t be a public humiliation. Maybe it would stay between her and Nate.I stayed put, listening into their conversation.   
“Hey Nate. Well I wasn’t gonna come, but since you took the time to write that sweet note.”   
“What note? Why do you have to act so weird all the time? People wouldn’t hate you if you acted normal.” Nate took the bottle out of Peggy’s hands and took a swig of it before spitting it out in her face. “There’s no alcohol in here. Are you trying to poison me?”   
Tony grabbed me by the collar and pulled me to the side with the rest of them.   
“I saw you almost ruin our plan back there, you’re lucky you didn’t. I was thinking though, we should make it a more public affair.”   
“No. You had your laughs. Just leave her alone. I won’t do it.”  
“ Oh but Steve, we already have done it, without your help I might add. We dressed up the Xavier’s little piggy mascot as Peggy. I’m just giving you a fair warning. If you even try to ruin this for us, the whole school mysteriously finds out about your little secret. Not even the losers will touch you after that. Understood?”   
“Yeah. I understand.”   
Thor stepped out from the corner of the room first, “Alright Westerburgers! Time to celebrate out upcoming victory over the Xavier Razorbacks by whacking apart their mascot! Who wants to be the first to take a swing at the pinata?” He dragged out the word pinata.  
Tony stepped up with the bat, “How about...Peggy?”   
“I don’t know this game…” She looked like she had been crying over what had just happened. I definitely need to stop this. I’m not letting him get away with this shit anymore.   
“Aw come on! Let’s show Peggy some Westerburg spirit!” Bruce said, as he tied the blindfold to blind Peggy’s vision. Tony went over and grabbed the pinata, I grabbed one end of it.   
“Tony, do not do this. I’ve let you get away with too much. I’m drawing the line.”   
“Oh. Are you now? Because if I remember correctly we had a little talk about this a few minutes ago, faggot. Now, be a good little thing and drop it. If you do, I’ll consider letting this slide.”   
I stared him down, he gave me that expectant face again. The one he always gave me when he knew he was going to get what he wanted, well not anymore. I tugged the object out of his arms and threw it in the pool.   
“Want it? Swim for it, asshole.”   
Luckily enough, Tony was in too much shock to immediately react. I went over to Peggy and took the blindfold off.   
“Peggy go home. I’ll explain later.”  
“But I was going to-” I interrupted her,   
“Peggy. Please. Trust me. Go home.”   
“Okay.” She gave me that disappointed face, as if what I had done was all just to be a dick to her before walking out.   
“Well, we gave it a shot. I’m done. I’m going back to civilian life.”   
Tony laughed, and it chilled me to the bone, “Oh no. That’s not how it works. You don’t just go back to being a nobody. You’re an ex somebody, and like I said nobody is going to touch you now. Transfer to Washington, or Jefferson. Because nobody at Westerburg is going to let you play their reindeer games.”   
Whether it was the sudden realization of what I’d just done to myself, the alcohol, or a mix of both, I really can’t tell. All I know is I felt really, really sick.   
“Well? You wanted to go so badly, then **go**!” He pushed me away. I turned back to say something back at him, but instead of words, there was puke.   
Tony screamed as if I had just murdered his first born child. “I raised you up from **NOTHING**! And **HOW** do I get repaid? **IN PUKE!** ”   
“Oh lick it up baby. Lick. It. Up.”   
He looked straight into my eyes. Being his enemy was about a hundred times more terrifying than being his friend.  
“I know who I’m eating lunch with on Monday. Do you?”   
I looked around for someone, _anyone_ to stand up for me, but everyone just looked away. With a final glare toward Tony, I walked out of the yard.


	6. Dead Boy Walking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing smut so please forgive me if its awful and feedback would be SO appreciated on this chapter more so than others.

Chapter 6: Dead boy walking   
Walking through the streets on my way home from the party gave me a lot of time to think about the rest of my life, until I realized I had no future to think about. I’m dead, the demon king himself has officially decreed it. I have until Monday morning to live. The question is, how should I spend my last 30 hours on Earth? I don’t exactly have to stay and wait to die. I could very easily change my name then go far, far away from here; Like Seattle, I heard Seattle is nice in the fall. The only problem is I don’t know how I could get there. As I kept walking, I really had time to think about the little things that I took for granted all my life before now, mostly about how thanks to Tony, I never had to realize how much walking to my house from Nate’s _sucked_ . It’s been an hour and I’m what? Halfway home, probably less. I guess I have one thing to thank him for. This is not how I want to be spending my time left on earth. I should have just spent the night at 7-11 with Bucky. I could go to college and live a nice, normal life. Wait, Bucky...That’s it. I know how I want to spend the rest of my life.   
Thank god he lives in a one story house. While I’m at it, thanks mother nature for the warm weather tonight because Bucky left his window wide open. I stood next to his bed and tapped his shoulder  
“Bucky..wake up.”  
“Steve, what are you doing in my room?”  
“Sorry, but I really had to wake you up it's important.”   
He sat up in his bed and looked at me, clearly very annoyed.  
“Well, what is it?”   
“I’ve decided that I had to ride you until you break. Tony said I had to go and this is how I want to spend what little time I have left. Now shut up and lose those tighty whities.”   
He looked at me with that same stare, this was seriously a bad idea on my part. I’ve come this far though, I’m getting what I came for.  
“Come on! I’m all yours tonight, your little dead boy walking. So, get on all fours and kiss me!”   
He got out of bed and looked me dead in the eyes.   
“If we’re doing this, I’m in charge. Not you. Like you said,” He pulled me close to him “you’re all mine tonight. You got it?”   
Something tells me this is gonna be more than I bargained for.   
“Y-yes”   
He smirked, knowing I was in the palm of his hand; willing to do whatever he told me, no matter how insane, “Good.”   
Before I had time to think my shirt was off and his mouth was making his way down my neck and chest, leaving love bites all the way down to my hips before coming back up to look me in the eyes as he pulled his boxer briefs down and kicked them off.   
“Get on your knees.”   
I obeyed his orders and slowly brought my mouth to the head of his cock and put my mouth around it. Slowly swirling my tongue around the head.  
“Fuck Steve” he moaned, pushing my head to the base of his dick. I choked on his length before he pulled my head back and let go. I kept bobbing my head back and forth, taking his whole cock in my mouth when I went down, his moans motivating me to keep going.   
“Stop, m’gonna cum.”   
I pulled my head back and stayed put on my knees.   
“Now get on the bed and lay on your back. I like to see the people I fuck’s faces when I do it.”   
I obliged to his command while he put on a condom and put lube on his fingers. His commanding tone softened as he asked if I was ready for him to stretch me. Once I told him I was, he put a finger in my ass. It felt weird to say the least, but it was definitely a good weird. When I was no longer tense, he added another finger and scissored them to make sure it would hurt less when he put his dick in.   
“Alright Steve, are you ready?” He asked as he slowly pulled his fingers out. I nodded and he positioned himself before sliding his dick in. He waited until I told him it was okay to move before slowly speeding up his movements until he was repeatedly hitting my prostate and I couldn’t formulate any words, leaving me a moaning mess.   
“That’s right you desperate little slut. Take my cock. Is this what you wanted when you broke into my house? You wanted me to fuck you senseless?” I moaned in response and he slapped me, “I asked you a question. Answer me.”   
“Y-yes. This is exactly what I wanted.”  
“That’s what I thought. You desperate little slut.” He kept pounding into me and I dug my short nails into his back before cumming all over our stomachs.   
He slapped me again, “That’s a bad little whore, cumming before I told you to. I should spank you for that.”  
I moaned at the thought, “Oh please spank me, I deserve it. I’ve been a very bad boy.”   
“No, I think you’d like it too much. It wouldn’t be a punishment if you enjoyed it. Get back on your knees.”   
I obliged and he pushed my head down to the base of his cock and held it down until he came in my mouth.   
“Now swallow.” I did as he asked and swallowed his load before rising up from my knees. He kissed my lips gently before praising me for how good I did for him. He laid down onto his bed and before I went to get dressed and leave he grabbed my wrist.   
“Where are you going?”   
“I was just going to-”   
“Leave? If I wanted you to leave I would have kicked you out before all that. Now lay down and get some sleep.”   
I got into the bed with his and he wrapped his arms around my waist before I fell asleep.


	7. Me Inside of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback would be appreciated! Thank you so much if you decided to keep reading after that train wreck I called smut. I swear that's all there's going to be.

I woke up and the sun was just beginning to rise,Bucky was still asleep next to me. I felt eerie, unsafe. I looked around the room and saw Tony standing in the corner, staring at me.   
“Hello slut.”   
“Tony? How did you get in here?”   
He flashed a wicked smile at me, “I’m like oxygen. I’m everywhere.” Suddenly I could feel the eyes of the rest of my year staring at me as well. “Really Steve? Sleeping with psycho trench coat kid?” He laughed, and inched his way closer to the bed. “I will _crucify_ you for this. Everyone at school’s gonna know that good little Steve is nothing but a dirty, _whore._ ”  
I held back tears, determined for him to not see me cry, “Tony, why are you so determined to hurt me?”  
Suddenly he was right in my face, “because I can. It’ll be so very.” He started laughing again, his laugh was piercing, almost like a witch’s and then, everything went black. I screamed in fear and suddenly Bucky was shaking me, repeating my name.   
“Steve, you’re soaking wet.”  
“Oh my God it was just a dream.” I jumped out of the bed and began getting dressed.  
“What’s the rush?”  
I have to get to Tony’s house.”  
His face showed a mix of concern and confusion, “What? I thought you said you were done with him?”   
I sighed “Yes, but that was last night. A fantasy, a world without Tony and all of his crap. Now it’s morning and I have to kiss his ass.”   
“No.”  
“Yes. I’m not strong like you are.”  
He got up and began dressing himself too, “Then let me come with.”  
“You don’t have to ya know.”  
“I know I don’t.”   
“Thanks”, I walked toward him and quickly kissed him. “And uh, by the way…” I pointed finger guns at him followed by a pat on the chest, “you were my first.” He smiled at me, clearly satisfied with that before we both walked out the door, on our way to Tony’s house.   
When we got there we used the back door to go in, his family leaves the doors unlocked when they visit his grandmother every Saturday morning. Usually for when Tony comes in after parties the next morning after they left.   
“Tony?” Bucky and I walked up the stairs and stopped in front of his room, “Tony?”   
He responded with a loud groan and a drawn out ‘what’.   
“Uh, it’s Steve. I’m here to apologize.”   
“Hope you brought knee pads, bitch. Fix me a prairie oyster and I’ll think about it.”   
The two of us made our way to the kitchen   
“Okay so, raw eggs, tabasco sauce, salt, pepper, what else?”   
“I think that’s it.”   
“Alright.” I stopped for a second, “Wait, here’s my revenge. I’m gonna put a phlegm globber in his drink and he’ll never know.” I hacked one up and spit into the mug and laughed at my own petty revenge and Bucky pulled something out from under the kitchen sink.   
“That’s great and all, but I’m more of a no rust build up kinda guy.” I laughed, brushing off his comment.   
“Don’t be dick. That’ll kill him.”  
He grabbed a mug and poured the blue liquid into it, “Thus curing his hangover!”   
I looked him up and down before continuing to make his drink, surely he had to be joking. He’s not psychotic, he wouldn’t actually try to kill somebody.   
“Don’t be a chicken Stevie, let's just give this to him.”  
“I’m not a chick-” I was interrupted by his bocking noises, “Bucky stop. It’s not funny.”   
He stopped and put the mug down, “Alright I’m sorry.”   
“Prairie oyster! **CHOP! CHOP!** ” Tony yelled from upstairs.   
I sighed and grabbed the mug off the counter, “Uh Steve?”  
“Mhm?”   
Bucky stopped himself, almost debating if he should tell me something, “Nothing. Lets just go upstairs.”   
“Uh...okay.” The two of us went upstairs and into Tony’s room.   
“Good morning Tony.”   
“Ah Steve, and Jesse James, how nice. Well, get to it. Beg.”   
“Look Tony, last night we both said a lot we didn’t mean and-”   
“Actually…” His face scrunched up, “I’d prefer if you did this on your knees. In front of your boy toy.”   
I looked at Tony then at Bucky, almost waiting for him to step in, then back to Tony, “Look, I’m really sorry,”   
Tony laughed, “Do I look like I’m joking? Down.” I obliged and he got up, taking the mug from my hands. Bucky looked away from the scene in front of him.   
“By the way. You’re still dead to me.” He drank the prairie oyster, or at least that’s what I thought it was. In the next moment he was choking. I stood there in shock as he fell to the ground.   
Bucky’s jaw dropped, “Hooooly shit!” He ran over to his body, and I ran as far as I could from it.   
“Oh my god, oh my god” It took a while for the reality of it to set in, I just killed Tony Stark “ **Oh my GOD!** Don’t just stand there! Call 911!”   
He stood there as calm as ever, “It’s a little late for that.”  
“I just killed my best friend.”   
“And your worst enemy…”   
“Oh same difference!” My chest felt tight and I could hardly breathe “The police are going to think I did this on purpose. They’re going to have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin…”   
Bucky walked back over to me with a book in his hands, “Unless...oh look. He was reading, The Bell Jar…”  
“Oh no..”  
He placed the book in his hand, “Oh yes. Look, you can fake his handwriting, Just, make it sound deep. Something like this, I had pain in my path, My problems were myriad.”   
“No, he would never use myriad he got that wrong on last week’s vocabulary test.”   
He rolled his eyes, “So then it’s a badge for his failures at school. Work with me. Think, long and hard. Conjure him up in your mind, what would his final goodbye be to a cold, uncaring world?” He handed me a pen and paper and I sat there and thought, then it came to me and I started writing.   
_Dear world...  
Believe it or not, I knew about fear; I knew the way loneliness stung. I hid behind smiles and crazy hot clothes. I learned to kiss girls with my tongue, But oh, the world, it held me down;  
it weighed like a concrete prom king crown. _   
Not to make this about me, but this is totally something Tony would write. Good job Steve.  
No one thinks that a rich boy has feelings.No one gets his insecurity. I am more than expensive cars and money. No one sees the me inside of me.  
“Jesus, you’re making me sound like air supply” said Tony, standing over me. I tensed up at the thought, I’m going crazy.  
“Bucky did you see that?”  
“See what?”   
“Oh no Steve. I’m real. Keep going. You don’t wanna get caught for what you did now do you?”   
I kept writing and once I finished we placed the note next to Tony and ran out and of course Tony’s family was pulling into the driveway.   
We stopped in our tracks and we forced ourselves to cry.  
Tony’s mother was the first to come up to us, “Steve sweetie, how are yo-” she stopped once she saw us crying. “What’s wrong.”   
I sniffled and wiped my eyes before starting, “W-we knew Tony wouldn’t be feeling well this morning, so we came to make him a prairie oyster to help him feel better…” I stopped and continued sobbing.   
Tony’s father walked over to the three of us,“But why are you crying?”   
Bucky stepped in for me, “When we walked into his room...he was dead. He was holding a copy of Th-The Bell Jar and he was next to a suicide note…”   
His parents began crying and the two of us came with them to his room. His mother was the one to pick up the suicide note.   
“ _They couldn't see past my rockstar mystique,They wouldn't dare look in my eyes, but just underneath was a terrified boy who clings to his pillow and cries! My looks were just like prison bars;they've left me a myriad of scars._ "  
Tony’s ghost, who still hasn’t left me since I began writing the note smiled, “Myriad. Nice.”   
His mother continued reading the note, barely holding herself together, “He was such a sweet boy. Listen to this next part, ‘ _Box up my clothing for Goodwill, and give the poor my Nordic Track. Donate my car to crippled kids, or to those ghetto moms on crack.Give them my hats and my CDs, my three TVs. No one thinks that a rich boy has feelings; but I weep for all I failed to be.Maybe I can help the world by leaving; Maybe that the me inside of me._ ’”  
School on Monday was definitely, interesting to say the least. We all had an assembly to mourn the death of Tony and then they let us leave. Tony was ecstatic about the whole ordeal. He says he's bigger than John Lennon now. Everybody was crying, as if he treated any of them decently enough for them to miss him. We all read the suicide note and people actually believed that he had a soul now. I definitely feel bad for killing him, but not as bad as I should, and that makes me feel worse. At least now the school could be free of Tony Stark’s reign. At least that’s what Bucky told me, I don’t know if I really believe him though. I can’t even believe myself anymore. I just got away with murder. This whole situation makes me wonder, can life really be as beautiful as I always thought?


	8. Blue

After Tony’s funeral I went over Bucky’s place, the two of us were sitting on his couch, flipping through the T.V. channels when we came across a news channel interviewing Bruce about Tony, we changed the channel only to be greeted with the same thing, and again. I rolled my eyes at the crap that Bruce was spewing.   
“Damn, how many networks did he run to?”   
“Son! I didn’t hear you come in.” Bucky said, standing up off the couch, addressing the much older man walking through the door.   
“Pops I wanna introduce you to my new friend.”   
I got up off the couch and approached Bucky’s father. He didn’t look much like his father at all. His father was much paler, his eyes a dull brown color as opposed to Bucky’s blue. “Hey. I’m Steve.” I reached my hand out to shake his and he handed me a can of beer,  
“Drink up bud.” I stared down at the can in my hand, trying to think of the right words to respond with. Thankfully Bucky stepped in and chastised his father about underage drinking before the silence became awkward, well for his father anyway. The whole father son reversal thing was awkward for me. I get that all families have their quirks, but this didn’t seem like a family joke. Maybe for his dad it was, but it seemed like Bucky was genuinely reminding his father that what he did was unacceptable. As if he had to parent his parent.   
“I think I should go. I’ll see you at school Monday Buck..” I tried to get past the two of them but Bucky’s father stopped me.   
“No, sit.” He ushered me back to the couch, “Work was a real pain in the ass today. They wouldn’t let me do demo on the hotel just because Ray Miller took a dump there once. Just like Kansas. You remember Kansas Buck?”   
He nodded his head and gave him a half hearted ‘mhm’ before his father continued his story.   
“I showed them damn tree huggers what for. Almost stopped me from blowing up the memorial oaks society.”   
“Look, that story sounds very interesting and I’d love to hear more; but I really have to go.”   
“Nonsense, stay for dinner.” He said, slurring his words.  
“I’d love to, but my mom is making my favorite. Spaghetti and meatballs. With looots of oregano…” I hate my mom’s pasta, well her cooking in general, but I really need to get home or at least away from Bucky’s dad. Bucky wasn’t exaggerating, his father is semi psychotic.   
“That’s nice. The last time I saw _my_ mom she was wavin’ at me out the window of a library in Texas. Right dad?”   
His father turned from me and glared at his son, “Right son…” His tone was suddenly dark and he was much more intimidating than he was just a few moments ago. I was the first to break the silence.   
“Okay, see you in school…” I rushed out the door and home.   
I rushed to finish dinner that night in hopes of a relaxing night at home, I should have known that would be impossible. Just as I got into bed my phone rang. I sighed before picking it up.   
“Hello?”   
“Steve? Can you do me a favor?” Thor’s voice wasn’t loud and happy, in fact he sounded concerned.   
“What’s wrong?”   
“Nate and Clint took my sister Heather and her friend Heather to the cemetery. I’m worried about them, can you just go and..keep an eye on them? Make sure the two of them don’t get out of hand?”   
“Of course. I’ll be right over.”   
When I got there Heather had locked herself in the car. Like her brother, she had blonde hair, blue eyes and wore mostly yellow. I knocked on the window and she rolled it down.   
“Hey is everything okay?”   
“Yeah. Nate and Clint are both passed out and Heather was able to get home..”   
“That’s good. Do you still want me to stay or..?”   
She looked upset, panicked almost, “Y-yes…”   
“Okay.”   
The night went on pretty uneventful. Heather was a lot like her brother. She’s a sweetheart, thankfully her friends sound nice too, unlike Thor who somehow got mixed up with Tony and Bruce. She’s loud when she speaks, but for the most part stays quiet.   
“It’s getting late, should we leave them and head home or…?”   
“No, we should wait for them to wake up..” and almost as if satan himself willed it, the two morons woke up. The two of them started their usual sex pressuring and I stepped in, taking Heather by the wrist and heading to Thor’s house to take her home. Nate called me a cock block once Heather and I got outside the gates.   
The two of us walked to Thor’s house and I dropped her off at the porch.   
“Thanks Steve. Despite everything, tonight wasn’t too terrible. I’m sure my brother is as thankful as I am.”   
“It was nothing really. I had nothing better to do. I’ll see you around Heather.”   
“You too.”   
Once she was in the house I head back to my house ready to crash in my bed the second I was in my room.   
_Dear Diary,  
It was a close call last night with Heather; turns out the only person that was able to make Nate and Clint act like half way decent people, was Tony, but he’s dead now..._   
“Poor baby. Maybe you should have thought of that before you killed me.” He broke into a fit of coughing, “God...I’m going to be hacking up drain cleaner for eternity!”  
I walked away from Tony’s continuation of his coughing fit and over to Bruce and Thor who were going through Tony’s locker.   
“Hey guys, what are you doing?”   
Bruce scoffed, “Going through Tony’s locker. What does it look like.”   
“Steve. Tell them to stop touching my stuff. NOW!” I ignored his command, which only egged him on.   
“Oh my GOD! SHUT UP!”   
“No.” Bruce said, digging something out of Tony’s locker. It was his red swatch, “I don’t have to shut up anymore!” He exclaimed, putting it on his wrist.   
Thor spoke out against Bruce, “That’s Tony’s.”   
“Shut up Thor,”  
“Sorry Bruce…Tony is gone now. It’s up to me to replace him.”  
“Replace Tony?”   
“Replace me? Who do you think you are?”   
“Shut up, nobody but me can hear you.” I told Tony through gritted teeth.   
“Look Steve, I’d worry less about me and more about staying in the closet. Nate and Clint have been telling the whole school about how you tried to fuck them the other night at the cemetery. Right on Tony’s grave too. For shame…”  
Bucky came on the scene just in time to hear that part of course, he raised his eyebrows, “You what?”   
“I didn’t-I-THOR! Back me up here. Your sister was there. She told you about the whole night…” He looked away from me and down at the floor. Too afraid to speak against the new Tony.   
As if this couldn’t get worse, Clint and Nate passed by telling his posse all about the fake escapade.   
“It’s true dude. He was begging us to put our dicks in his ass. The faggot wasn’t even invited. He just showed up while we were trying to pay our respects to Tony.”   
“That’s not true Clint and you know it.” Said Heather,emerging from the crowd.   
“I’m sorry, but who are they gonna believe? Us, or just some freshman who was desperate for our dicks just like Stevie over there. You might not be a faggot, but you’re still a dirty slut. Nobody’s gonna believe you.”   
Heather opened her mouth to say something again, but I pulled her away from the pair. “Don’t bother. They’re not worth it.”   
“I can’t just stay put and let them talk about you like that when they would have _raped_ me if you weren’t there!”   
“Yes, you can; and you will. Please, it eggs them on when you fight back.”   
“Okay…” She walked away, glaring at her brother for not doing anything. I needed to get out of this crowd too. I walked over to Bucky and broke down in his arms. I deserve this. I’m a murderer and I deserve everything coming to me.


	9. Our Love Is God

“It’s assholes like them that deserve to die y’know?” Bucky whispered, as if that was a comforting statement. I pulled away from him,   
“No. Nobody deserves to _die_ just because they’re an asshole. Tony was an accident.”  
“They made you cry, but not anymore. You’re the only right thing in this fucked up world. It’s okay, let it out. ‘Cause when the morning comes, we’ll burn it all down and rebuild the world.”   
“What are you talking about? We can’t just-”   
“Our love is God. Before you, I was alone, my heart was frozen, and I-I was happy to be like that, and then you come along and melt my heart. So now I’m crying too. You’re not alone,”   
I took his hands in mine,“Neither are you. I’m with you till the end of the line, Buck.”   
“Good, because I have a plan.”   
His last plan wasn’t exactly great, so I was definitely concerned to hear this, “What is it?”   
“You’ll see…”   
\---  
“Now Steve, you’re _sure_ this is Nate’s number?”   
“Yes I’m sure. Shh, the phone’s ringing.”   
After a few rings Nate picked up, “Who is this?”  
“Hey Nate. It’s Steve.”   
“What do you want fag?”   
“Well, I was thinking about what you and Clint were saying today and it really made me feel ashamed of my, problem.”  
“What the hell are you talking about?”  
“Well, I was hoping maybe you and Clint could,” I paused and took a deep breath, “beat the fag out of me. I know I don’t deserve that from you after everything I did, cockblocking and all, but it would mean a lot. It’ll be nice, easy prey.”   
He was silent on the other end for almost a full minute before speaking up, “I’ll do it, but you owe me for it.”   
“Of course. Meet me at the cemetery at dawn tomorrow.” I hung up the phone and looked at Bucky,   
“This is going to be great! They’re gonna be laughing stocks by the morning. These _are_ fake bullets though right?”   
He looked down at the floor, “Sort of, they’re tranquilizer bullets, so it’ll knock them out awhile. It’ll make it look like they had a suicide pact together and shot each other. When they wake up, everyone thinks they’re sleeping together, they’re laughing stocks. If, it's complete with a forged suicide note.”   
I looked at him skeptically, “Okay.”   
He cleared his throat and looked back up at me, “I worship you. I’d give my life if it meant you were safe. I want you to know I’d never lie to you.”   
\---  
I met up with Bucky at the cemetery the next morning before Nate and Clint got there.   
“You have the note right?”   
“Of course, and I have the gun.”   
He looked over the note, “Straight to the point, ‘Kurt and I died because we had to hide our gay, forbidden love.’ Nice.”   
We heard the two of them coming, “Alright Buck, let’s hunt some jocks.” He ran behind the nearest tree to stay hidden.   
“Hey guys, Alright. So I was thinking, I wanted time to prepare myself. So, each of you stand in one of those circles, and on the count of three you run at me. Okay?”   
“Okay...you really planned out how you’re getting the crap beat out of you huh?” Clint asked me.   
“Just as much as I plan everything else. Now, 1...2…” I shifted my eyes and saw Bucky creeping out from behind “3.” Bucky and I both shot. Bucky hit Clint right in the chest and I missed my target. Nate went running.   
“Did you even try to hit him?”  
“Yeah, it's okay though, his face made it totally worth it.”   
“Stay here I’ll do it.”  
I didn’t see Clint’s chest moving whatsoever, so I went over to him to check if he was okay. “Clint? Clint..” I took his wrist to check for a pulse and felt nothing. I didn’t know what was worse, that I’m now responsible for the death of more people, or that Bucky _lied_ to me. He _lied_ and he didn’t even give a crap. Bucky brought Nate around and shot him too.   
“What the _fuck_ have you done?” He turned around and stared right into my eyes,   
“I worship you.” He came towards me and I retreated, “I’d trade my life for yours.” He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into his arms.   
“Get away from me.” I tried pushing away, but he was holding on too tight.   
“We made them disappear. We’ll plant our garden here.”   
“Get off! You lying son of a-”   
“Our love is God, Steve. It’ll all be okay now.” I knew he was lying again, but I wanted to believe him so badly that I let myself do so. I closed my eyes and nodded.   
“Our love is God…”   
I’m slipping away from myself, murdering people, all because of him.


	10. Dead Gay Son

I kneeled in front of the caskets at Clint and Nate’s wake, horrified at what I’d let happen yet again. They were only seventeen, the could have grown up, become good people. Nobody can know how they would have turned out though, because I let Bucky lie to me, I should have known he was lying, but I really wanted to believe he wouldn’t intentionally kill somebody. I began to feel sick just thinking about it and got up and sat as far from Bucky as I could, choosing to sit next to Heather instead.   
“How are you holding up?”   
“Oh me? I’m fine, he must have been tortured inside, hiding such a huge secret. You know how that feels more than anyone here.”   
She couldn’t possibly be onto me, once my heart rate slowed back down I asked her what she meant. She looked at me with confusion, before clarifying,  
“Steve. You were hiding the same secret…”  
“Oh. Right. Duh. Sorry I’m a bit out of it.”   
She smiled and pat my shoulder to comfort me, “It’s fine. We all are.”   
Clint and Nate’s father walked up in front of their caskets, Clint’s was the first to speak out of the two.   
“Well, I don’t know what to say, besides that I’m ashamed. My son’s turned the family name into a laughing stock. Clint wasn’t who I thought he was, and when I think of all the sick, twisted things he did with Nate I-” Nate’s father interrupted him,   
“You wait just a minute Paul. It’s hateful and just plain ignorant talk like yours that make this world a place our boys couldn’t live in. They weren’t dirty, or wrong, they were two lonely verses in the Lord’s song.”   
“Bill, our boys were pansies.”   
“Yes! My boy’s a homosexual, and that doesn’t scare me at all, I want everyone here to know just how much I love my dead gay son. I’ve been thinking, praying, reading and I’ve come to realize something. The Lord created everything, including man. This has to all be a part of his plan. God has a reason for each mountain and each flower, and whatever reason he chose for our sons to fall in love, well, I trust him.”   
“Gays choose to-”  
“Look Paul, I didn’t care for homos much until my son was one, but I’ve learned to love. I can tell you now that our boys are in heaven tanning by the pool. Cherubim walk together and Jesus tells them ‘its cool’. There’s no crime or hatred, no bigotry or cursing. Just friendly people dressed as their favorite village person.”   
I smiled at his heart felt thoughts on what his son’s heaven is like.   
“And furthermore, these boys were brave as hell. They knew damn well they’d be judged. They were desperate to be free. I can’t believe you still refuse to get a clue after everything we’ve been through. I’m talking you and me, in the summer of ‘83.”   
Paul was silent for a moment, “That was one hell of a fishing trip. Bill, I think you’re right. I love my dead gay son.”   
The two men embraced, when they pulled away Paul told us to go forth and love each other, just as their boys would have done. The wake had finally ended and I could leave before I got physically sick with guilt.


	11. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not getting a lot of feedback and I'm worried nobody is liking this, I can either end the fic here or continue to the end. You can comment or something to tell me which. Fair warning the ending is super bittersweet and you know what I mean if you've seen the movie/musical

Bucky was the last to walk out of the church and came up to me with a shit eating grin on his face.   
“What’s that? That, smell in the air,” He sniffed the air, “Is that...tolerance? Love? How often can you say it’s a good day to live in Sherwood Ohio? You’re welcome town!”  
I glared at him, “You don’t have to be so smug about all this.”   
He smiled at me, “Your love, keeps me humble.” He kissed my forehead.  
“So, who’s next? Bruce Banner? I’ve been highlighting meaningful passages in his copy of Moby Dick if you catch my drift.”   
I backed away from him, only to feign confidence a second later “No. We’ve already killed three people. That’s it, I’m done. This ends right here, right now.”   
He laughed at my attempt to seem threatening, “Or what?”  
I looked him dead in the eyes and took a deep breath, “Or, I’ll break up with you.”  
“Any war worth fighting has casualties. Would you rather go to jail, hm? Give a free pass to the jerks who hurt people? Evil _fucks_ that make life so unbearable that you can’t stand to live anymore!”  
“Bucky” I paused, trying to think of the best way to ask him, “How did your mother die?”   
He turned away, “My dad said it was an accident, but she knew what she was doing. She walked into that building, two minutes before my dad blew it up. She waved at me outside the window. Then, kaboom.” He made an exploding motion with his hands, he spoke slow, almost as if he was trying to soak it all in as much as I was.   
“I-I’m so sorry…”  
“It’s fine. The pain gives me clarity. We’re special, and we have work to do.”  
“What work?”  
“Making the world better for decent people.”  
I walked up to him, “and when does it end?”  
He got even closer so we barely had an inch of space between us,“When every asshole is dead!” He screamed. I pushed him away from me.   
“Fine. I’ll say it, we’re damaged. We’re really fucking damaged,” He turned away from me, “ but that doesn’t make us wise. We’re not special, or different, we can’t choose who lives or dies. Let’s be normal, see bad movies, sneak a beer, maybe watch TV. We can bake brownies, or go bowling. Do you even want a life with me? Can’t we just be 17? It’s all I want. Just let me in, please” My voice cracked as tears began to fall. “I know, people hurt us”   
He still refused to look at me, but spoke up, “Or they vanish”   
“And you’re right. It really blows, but we let go, take a deep breath, then buy some summer clothes. We can go camping, play poker, then eat some chili fries. Maybe even prom night.”   
He finally looked at me, I reached my hand out for him to grab, when he did, I pulled him into my arms, “We can have all that, if we just act like normal teenagers and stop, killing people. So what’s it gonna be? Because I wanna be with you.”   
He looked down to me, “I do too…”   
“We’re damaged.”   
“Badly damaged, but your love’s too good to lose.”   
“Hold me tighter, closer, I’ll stay if I’m what you choose.”   
He pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head, “You’re the one I choose.”


	12. Shine A  Light/ Lifeboat/ Shine A Light (Reprise)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's POV switch in this chapter, but it's labelled. After this I have to write a chapter for kindergarten boyfriend, Yo Girl/Meant To Be Yours, and Dead Girl Walking (Reprise)/I am Damaged/Seventeen (Reprise)

Before classes the next morning I stayed put in my car for as long as possible, letting the events of the past month sink in. I murdered three people, but that was over now he promised me it was over. I can let it go, I’ll stop feeling this guilty eventually.  
“And they all lived happily ever after…” That is if I could get Tony’s ghost out of my head.  
“Do you really believe that? You think it all goes back to normal now?” I winced at his comment, or, my comment, I don’t know anymore.  
“Don’t give me that wounded look. You know exactly what he is, and you _love it_.  
“Please, just stop talking.”  
He put his hands up as if to surrender, “Only a true dead best friend would give it to you straight.”  
Peggy knocked on my window, “Steve I need our help.”  
I rolled the window down, “Sure what is it?”  
“Something doesn’t add up. I think Clint and Nate were murdered.”  
Tony’s jaw dropped, “Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw! Looks like Nancy Drew is on to you Steve.”  
“Tha-that’s not possible. Remember? They found the suicide note.” I pointed out to her, slowly getting out of the car.  
“Yeah, but it could have been faked. You forge stuff all the time.” Tony was suddenly filling the empty space between us.  
“Steve, I am in _love_ with this girl.”  
“That’s ridiculous. Who would have killed them?”  
“I-I think it was your friend Bucky. Especially after what happened in the lunchroom.”  
Clint and Nate now stood behind Tony.  
“Yeah man that sucked.” Nate said, coming closer to the conversation.  
“I don’t know Steve. Something is off about him.”  
Clint laughed, “Looks like Stevie’s going to prison.”  
I stared off at Clint and Nate while they were talking about how I’d be sold for packs of cigarettes in prison until Peggy shook my shoulder.  
“I was hoping you could give me the combination.”  
Tony smiled wider than I’ve ever seen, “I bet there’s all kinds of interesting stuff in there. Like tranquilizer bullets.”  
“Peggy, that’s a wild theory.”  
“I don’t care what they said at the funeral. Nate wasn’t gay. I’d stake my life on it.”  
Clint burst out laughing and I looked back to them, “Nate’s a fatty magnet!”  
“At least I don’t have skid marks on my under wear.”  
“You little shi-”  
“Skid marks skid marks! Haha!”  
“Stop it. Stop it. STOP IT!”  
“Stop what? What’s wrong with you Steve?” and just like that Clint and Nate were gone leaving just Tony with us.  
“I’m trying to understand I’m sorry, but Nate was gay. Why would you think anything else?”  
“Because he kissed me. Remember?”  
“Yeah, in Kindergarten.”  
“My heart knows the truth.”  
Tony spoke up again, “Time to choose Steve. Eat or be eaten.” He started circling around me.  
“Why would he have written that note if he didn’t still feel something?”  
“You know what to say.”  
“Why did he invite me to his homecoming party? I’m confronting Bucky.”  
“Please don’t.”  
“ **Do you have the guts?!** ”  
I started laughing, “Why are you laughing Steve?”  
“Nate didn’t write that note, I did. The whole school was in on it. He didn’t love you. He was a dick. And he’s dead.”  
Peggy looked at me up and down, and ran off.  
Tony was smiling and looking right at me, “Look. I had to hurt her. If I didn’t Bucky would-”  
“Kill her?” He fake gasped, “Is that what you’re afraid of? I thought the desperado hung up his six guns? Don’t you trust him?”  
\--  
I walked into the building and was met by Mr. Fleming, “There you are Steve! Here’s the assembly program.” He said, pushing me into a crowd of students.  
I found Bruce and Thor and stood next to them.  
“I think this could be helpful.”  
“Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast Thor?”  
“Sorry Bruce…”  
The assembly was pretty run of the mill ‘to kill yourself is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. Shine a light on your fears and we can find things in common to end bullying, yada yada yada’, except for the cameras we were told to ignore. After Mr. Fleming spoke he offered for anyone to talk to their peers.  
Suddenly Thor spoke out among the silence, “I’ve thought about killing myself.”  
Bruce scoffed at him and tried to tell him to shut up, but Mr. Fleming stopped him.  
“Keep talking Thor, you’re in a safe space. It’s just, you, me and your loving classmates. Share.”  
He stepped forward and once again Bruce tried to stop him, and once again Mr. Flemming stopped him from doing so.  
\---Thor’s POV--  
I took a deep breath, ready to face my classmates.  
“The last guy I trusted tried to rape my sister, then killed himself because he was gay, and my best friend seemed to have it all together, but he’s gone too. And now my stomach hurts worse and worse, and every day on the bus my heart beats louder and faster and I think ‘Jesus christ I’m on the bus again ‘cuz all my rides to school are dead.’”  
My chest felt tight and I was regretting letting myself become this vulnerable, but it was too late now.  
“It’s like I’m floating in a boat, and its in this raging black ocean. We’re all low in the water and nobody has anywhere to go. Everyone I know is in here. It’s Cold, clammy, and crowded the people smell desperate we'll sink any minute. So someone must go.” I took a deep breath and continued,  
“Everyone's pushing, and fighting, and storms are coming, there's nowhere to hide. If I say, or wear the wrong thing they'll throw me right over the side. I'm hugging my knees and the captain is pointing at me. Well who made him captain?”  
I took another breath so the tears wouldn’t fall  
“Still, the weakest must go, and I’m the weakest on the life boat.”  
I went to get away from the whole assembly when Bruce grabbed my arm.  
“What’s your damage Thor? Are you saying Westerburg isn’t a nice place?”  
Mr. Fleming tried to speak up in my defense,“Bruce-”  
“Where’s your school spirit? You don’t deserve to go to this school.” He was in my face, and I felt like there was no air left to breathe. If I didn’t want to die already, this would make me want to.  
Mr. Fleming pushed Bruce away from me, “Bruce stop it.”  
“If you hate Westerburg so much, why don’t you go to Xavier’s?” Everyone was laughing at me, I’d never felt so small in my life. I couldn’t hold the tears in anymore and let them go, some random girl noticed.  
“Awh, big ol’ Thor’s crying.” The laughter got louder and I ran off.  
\--Steve’s POV--  
“Young man, you are suspended. Turn the cameras off. God dammit turn them off.” I felt disgusted that that’s what Fleming was worried about right now, so I spoke up.  
“Is that _all_ you care about? TV cameras?”  
“I care about saving lives. Bruce ruined a valuab-”  
“ **Valuable? None of us wanted this, made a spectacle of. To me experimented on like guinea pigs, or patronized like bunny rabbits!** ”  
“I don't patronize bunny rabbits!” Tony appeared in the crowd of students, watching it all go down.  
“This is their secret Steve. The adults are powerless.” Said Tony.  
“Thor trusted you. You told him he was safe. That you’d protect him”  
“They can’t help us. Nobody can help us.”  
“You’re an idiot.”  
“We’re alone in the ocean.”  
“You’re all idiots!”  
Bucky came up behind me and grabbed my shoulder in an attempt to soothe me, “You should sit down.”  
“No! Tony was a monster just like Nate and Clint! They didn’t kill themselves **I killed them!** ”  
I gasped and covered my mouth while everyone stood silent. After a minute of pure silence I spoke up. “So what do you all think of that?” I asked, quietly.  
Everyone burst out laughing and Bruce came up to me.  
“Some people will say anything if they think it will make them popular.” Everyone except Bucky and I continued laughing until I ran off and Bucky chased after me.  
\--Thor’s POV--  
I stood in the bathroom trying to get the bottle of pills open, “Stupid, childproof caps.” Suddenly Bruce’s voice was ringing in my head, and it felt as if the whole student body was with him.  
“Aw look! Thor’s going to whine all day. He doesn’t deserve to live. He should kill himself. He just whines and whines like there’s no Santa Claus. That’s why he’s _pathetic_ because he whines. He doesn’t deserve to dream, and he’s gonna die all alone.”  
I got the bottle open and poured the contents into my mouth.  
Suddenly Steve was in the bathroom with me, “No! Don’t!”  
I started crying again, with the pills still in my mouth, “Suicide is a private thing”  
“Throwing your life away to become a statistic on USA Today is about the least private thing I can think of.”  
“But what about Tony, and Nate and Clint?”  
“If everyone jumped off a bridge would you?”  
I nodded my head in shame.  
Steve grabbed my hand, “If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn’t be human. You’d be a game show host.”  
I laughed and spit the pills out into the bottle. I smiled at Steve, “Thanks for coming after me. I’m sorry I didn’t speak up for you after you helped my sister.”  
“No, no. Don’t worry about that. It’s okay, and you’re welcome.”  
I launched myself at him into a hug, he let out a small laugh and returned the hug


	13. Kindergarten Boyfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end! WOO!

“Alright Thor, we should probably head to class now okay? Or would you rather head home?”   
He let go of me and got up, offering his hand to help me up.   
“I think I’m going to go home. It’s been a long day.”   
“Alright, let me drive you home. I don’t really feel like staying much either.”   
The two of us head out of the bathroom and Bucky was standing there, “Steve, can I talk to you?”   
I looked over to Thor and then back to him, “Uh sure. Thor I’ll meet you outside the front entrance okay?”   
He nodded and head out, once he was out of earshot Bucky began slowly clapping,   
“You’re a genius Steve. You had _me_ worried with your little confession there, but you pulled it off. The best place to hide is right in plain sight.”  
“No. I wasn’t trying to hide.”   
“Why’d you have to meddle with Odinson? One more dead Avenger’s a good thing.”  
I looked at him scornfully, “He’s my friend.”   
“If he’s your friend then why are we letting Banner go? The prick that made Odinson want to kill himself? Nothing ever changes unle-” I interrupted his tangen,   
“Stop with this change business.”   
“So we’re just going to let Banner run around?” I put my hands on his chest and told him to listen, which eventually worked.   
“Please, don’t talk over me, look, you promised me. I should go take him home. I’ll meet you at your house later.”   
\--  
Bucky and I were in his room talking about what happened before,   
“I know I promised, but-”  
“No buts. You promised. That’s it.”   
“Right. I promised.”   
He pulled me into a kiss, and pushed me off as his father was coming in the room.   
“Ever heard of knocking pops?” He said, with a flask in hand.   
Bucky swallowed, “You know the rules son. When company’s over bedroom door stays open.”   
The two of them pointed at each other.   
“Buck, you should have seen the jury. Told those damn hippies to screw off! You should have seen the fireworks. I got it all on tape! Upstairs were a bunch of thermals. All set off by a Norwegian in the boiler room.” He made an exploding motion with his hands, “Kaboom!”   
Bucky took out a gun from his jacket and shot up,   
“God dammit Buck! No firearms in the house!” Bucky burst out laughing, at least one of us found it funny. I circled so I was standing in front of him.   
“Why are you carrying a _gun_?”  
Bucky stopped laughing and looked at me, “‘Cuz it pissed off my dad. It was funny.”  
“No its not funny! None of this is funny. You’re carrying a **loaded weapon**! You promised me.”  
With the gun still in hand he put his hands up as if surrendering, “Yeah well it’s a dangerous world.”   
“Yeah. it is. Because of people like you. You know what? Don’t call me. Don’t talk to me.”  
He stepped towards me, “Steve” he pleaded.   
“No. You don’t understand the difference between right and wrong. We’re over.” I was almost out the door when he called for me.  
“Come on, come back!”   
I stopped for a split second to let him catch up and watch me leave. He was pointing the gun at me,   
“Please Steve. I love you.” We both stared at where the gun was pointing, he put it at the side and gestured to the door.   
“Goodbye Bucky.”   
\-- Bucky’s POV--   
The next day at school Steve was almost glued to Thor’s side, glaring at anyone who even dared to say something nasty to Thor as if he could actually take down any of them. I myself, had to find Bruce and have a chat with him.   
“I now know thee, thou clear spirit.”   
Bruce scoffed at me, “That’s from Moby Dick.”   
“I appreciate someone well read.”  
He took the envelope I was holding, “What’s in here?” Once he saw the contents he looked panicked.   
“Just a reminder that up until around age 6, you and Peggy Carter were friends!”   
“Where’d you get these pictures? Did Steve give them to you?” His panic subsided and was replaced with his usual ‘I’m better than you’ tone, “What do you want? Money?”   
I took the envelope back from her, “No. A favor.”  
“No way.”   
I chose an photo from the envelope, “Oh I’m sure everyone would love to see this picture of you two in the bathtub together!”   
He tried to swipe the photo from my hand, “That’s the past. Nobody cares about that. Nobody cares about Peggy Carter.”   
\--Peggy’s POV--   
I heard Bucky and Bruce’s entire conversation and they were right. Nobody cared about me. I wrote down my final goodbye and taped it to my shirt. The note read, _‘There was a boy I met in kindergarten, he was sweet, he said that I was smart. He was good at sports and people liked him, and at nap time once we shared a mat. I didn't sleep I sat and watched him breathing, watched and dreamed for nearly half an hour, then he woke up.He pulled a scab off one time playing kick ball, kissed me quick then pressed it in my hand. I took that scab and put it in a locket all year long I wore it near my heart. He didn't care if I was thin or pretty, and he was mine until we hit first grade.  
Last night I dreamed a horse with wings flew down into my home room.  
On its back there he sat and he held out his arm. So we sailed above the gym across the faculty parking lot. My kindergarten boyfriend and I, and a horse with wings  
Now we're all grown up, and we know better. Now we recognize the way things are; Certain boys are just for kindergarten, certain girls are meant to be alone. I believe any dream worth having Is a dream that should not have to end. So I'll build a dream that I can live in And this time, I'm never waking up. We'll soar above the trees, over cars and croquet lawns; past the church and the lake And the tri-county mall. We will fly through the dawn to a new kindergarten. Where nap time is centuries long.’_   
I walked out of the building and off the property. Once I was far enough from the school, I jumped in front of the first truck that passed.


	14. Yo Girl/ Meant To Be Yours

After school that afternoon Thor and I were in my yard playing croquet. The two of us were having a good time until Bruce came into my yard.   
“Hey guys. I missed you after 8th period.”   
“Yeah; we were avoiding you.” I told him, flashing a passive aggressive smile to him.   
Thor came out from behind me and spoke up to Bruce for the first time since I met them,   
“What you did to me sucked.”  
He rolled his eyes, “Oh very very. I need you to sign this.” He gave it to Thor first.   
“What is this?” I asked him skeptically as Thor was signing.   
“It’s a petition to the governor for a day of remembrance for the victims of suicide. I’ve gotten everyone to do it. Including the dweebs.”   
“I’m not signing that.”   
“Steve, why are you pulling on my dick? It was your boyfriend’s idea. He made up the signature sheet and everything.”   
I took the clipboard and looked for something suspicious. I gave it back to Bruce after finding nothing.   
“Look, I don’t know what Bucky’s up to, but if you know what’s good for you you’ll throw that away.”   
“Not a chance. I’ll just fake your signature like I did for Peggy. She’s in no shape to sign anything today.”   
“Why? What happened?”   
“It was on the radio. She jumped in front of a truck with a suicide note taped to her shirt.”   
I suddenly felt like there was no air to breathe, “I-is she okay?”   
Bruce rolled his eyes, “Just some broken bones. Just another example of a nerd trying to imitate the popular kids, and failing miserably. Bye now.”   
Thor stayed behind to attempt to calm me down, but Bruce called him back to him. I told him to go, that he needed to stay on Bruce’s good side so we don’t have a repeat of the other day. He looked at me again, concerned before following after Bruce.   
Tony appeared in front of me, “Come on Steve. Keep it together. I knew you’d come far.”   
Clint appeared next to Tony, “Now you’re truly an Avenger.”   
Then Nate appeared, “Smell just how gangsta you are.”   
I ran to the hospital with the three of them following me the whole way there. I quickly found Peggy’s room.   
“Peggy, I’m so, so sorry.”   
The three of them spoke in unison, “Are you feeling a bit punchy Steve? She’s not looking to well. Still, you’ve earned that red watch. Come join us in hell.”   
\--  
When I got home my mom and dad were sitting on the couch waiting for me.   
“Steve, where have you been?” My father asked me, he got no response.   
“We were worried sick. Your friend Bucky came by and told us everything.” My mother added.   
“I- what? What do you mean everything?”   
“Your depression. Your thoughts of suicide.” My father told me.  
My mom spoke up again, tears in her eyes, “He even showed us your copy of Moby Dick.”   
Tony was standing next to me, “He’s got your handwriting down cold.”   
Tears began to fall from her eyes, “Please talk to us! We’ve been through everything you’re going through.”  
“Guess who’s right down the block.” Clint said tauntingly.   
“You wouldn’t understand.”   
“Try me!” She screamed.   
Nate whispered right into my ear, “Guess who’s climbing the stairs? Uh oh, He’s already picking your lock.”   
I barreled past my parents and up the stairs and into my room. Hiding in my closet in the hopes it would buy me time.   
The three of them followed me in,   
“Guys, Steve’s totally running on fumes now; he’s totally fried.He’s gotta be trippin’ on ‘schrooms now, thinking that he can hide.” Tony said to Clint and Nate.   
“Steve’s done for, there’s no doubt now,notify next of kin!” said Clint.   
“Steve’s trying to keep him out now. Too late! He got in!” Said Nate.   
“Knock knock,” Bucky said, “Sorry to come through the window. Dreadful etiquette I know.”   
“Get out, of my house.”   
“Aw, hiding in the closet Steve? I thought you were past that. Come on baby, open the door.”   
“My parents will call the police.”   
“Come on and get dressed. You’re my date to the pep rally tonight.”   
“Why?”   
“Your classmates thought they were signing a petition. You gotta come on out and see what they really signed!”  
“No. I’m not going to be a part of this.”   
“Steve, you chucked me out like trash, and you should be dead for that, but then it hit me. What if high school went away instead. Its those assholes that are keeping you from me. They made you blind, but I can set you free. When you left me, I fell apart. You changed me, let out all the truthful shit inside me, So I built a bomb, and we can guarantee they never see senior prom! In the rubble of the building we plant this note explaining why they died. Get a load of this, ‘ _We the students of Westerberg High, will die. Our burned bodies may finally get through to you. Your society churns out slaves and blanks, no thanks. Signed the students of Westerberg High. Goodbye.’_ And Steve! It gets better, we’ll watch the smoke pour out the doors as we smile and cuddle while everyone in the building burns!”   
I stood in the closet listening to him speak, as I made a noose to fake a suicide.  
“Steve, open the door. I’m giving you to three. 1...2...fuck it.”   
He kicked down the closet door and saw me hanging.   
“Steve. No, don’t leave me alone. I _can’t_ do this on my own.” He paused, “But I will if I must. I’ll do it for you.” He left the same way he came in.   
“Steve?” My mother asked, coming into my room. She screamed when she saw me there. My head shot up and I took the noose from around my neck.   
“Mom, it’s okay. I’m okay. It was just a joke I’m so sorry! Please stop screaming!” I started laughing to sell the joke thing.   
“Steve. It’s! Not! Funny!”   
My dad came in the room to see what was wrong, “Mom, dad. I’m so sorry.”   
“For what?” He asked me.   
“For being a horrible person. I’m going out.”   
“When will you be back?” She asked me.   
“That’s a good question.” I told them before storming out of my room to stop Bucky.


	15. Dead Girl Walking (Reprise)/I am Damaged/ Seventeen (Reprise) -also a cute thing from heaven-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks!

I let it all go to far. I wanted someone strong to protect me, but I let all his anger fester and infect me. His ‘solution’ is a lie, nobody here deserves to die; Except me and the monster I created. Heads up Buck, I’m a dead boy walking and there’s no hiding from me. The bell signalling the beginning of the pep rally began, and that was it. His final bell, and most likely mine as well. The cheerleaders, jocks, and nerds alike all went in to the gym screaming and chanting. I watched everyone file in, trying to figure out where to go from here when Mr. Fleming crashed into me.  
“Steve? James told me you just committed suicide.”  
“Yeah, well he’s wrong about a lot of things.”  
He shrugged, “I put together a lovely tribute. Especially considering the short notice.”  
“What’s underneath the gym?”  
“The boiler room. Why, what’s going on?”  
“Got no time to talk.” I gently pushed him aside and made a break for the boiler room.  
I ran down the stairs and into the boiler room, when I came in Bucky was setting the bomb to go off.  
“Step away from the bomb.”  
He turned and smiled at me, “And here I thought you lost your taste for faking suicides. Also, this ol’ thing. I’d hardly call it a bomb. This is just to set off the thermals upstaris in the gym. _those_ are bombs.”  
He took his gun out of his jacket and pointed it towards my chest.  
“People will see the ashes of Westerburg High and think, ‘now there’s a school that self destructed. Not because society didn’t care, but because that school _was_ society. The only place people like Tony and Peggy can get along” He cocked his gun, never moving it away from my chest, “ is in heaven.”  
“You know something? I wish your mom were stronger and stuck around longer. I wish your dad were good, and I wish grownups understood.” I began to cry, knowing it was too late to change his mind, “I wish we’d met before, they all convinced you life is war.” I held out my hand to him pleading, “I wish you’d come with me.”  
“Yeah well, I wish I had more TNT.”  
I launched myself at him to take the gun from him, the two of us wrestling for control of the situation, when suddenly we both stopped at the sound of a gunshot. He stepped away from me and just as I realized I was okay, he fell to the ground. He was still making feeble attempts at holding the gun toward me before giving up.  
“I hope that was good for you, because it really sucked for me.”  
I ran to his side, “Please, Bucky it’s over. Which wire do I pull?” I got no answer, Bucky was dead and I had no idea how to stop the bomb. There was only one way to stop all this. I took the bomb and made my way out to the football field.  
_Dear Diary, The Irony of all this is that I never got to write my own suicide note._  
I closed my eyes ready to accept death when I heard footprints come near me. I slowly opened them to see Bucky staggering towards me.  
“Smart boy, take the trigger bomb out to the football field so nobody except you dies. Put it down.”  
“No, I deserve to die.”  
“Well I respectfully decline.” He stepped closer to me, “Give it to me.” he said, taking another step closer. I took a step back, falling over my own feet.  
“Stay away from me.”  
He kneeled down to my level, “Or what? Steve, give me the bomb. I’m damaged, way too damaged, but you’re not beyond repair. Stick around. Make things better. ‘Cuz you beat me fair and square.” He reached out to take the bomb again, except this time, I let him take it, and I struggled to get myself back up.  
“Please stand back now,” he pleaded, so I obliged.  
“Little further. Don’t know what this thing will do.”  
I nodded and stepped further back.  
“I hope you miss me, wish you’d kiss me then you’d know I worship you. I’d trade my life for yours.”  
“Oh my God..”  
“And once I disappear,”  
“Wait, hold on!”  
“Clean up the mess I made down here.”  
“Not like this! Please!”  
“Our love is God.” The bomb was ticking, and in his final seconds I said something I’ll never forget.  
“Say hi to God.” and just like that, the bomb went off, and Bucky was gone.  
\--  
The whole school came out to see what caused the noise, Thor and Bruce came over to me.  
Thor cupped my face, almost like a concerned mother when they find their kid in the store, “Where have you been? People are saying you killed yourself.” Bruce pushed him away from me.  
“You look like hell.”  
“Yeah, ‘cuz I just got back.” I pulled him towards me, and took the watch from his wrist.  
“What are you doing?” He asked, as I kissed his cheek and pushed him away from me.  
“Listen up folks, war is over. A new sheriff’s in town. We’re all done with being evil. We will all lay our weapons down.” I put the watch on my own wrist, “We’re all damaged, and broken ,and freaks. And that’s okay. We’ll endure it, survive it. Peggy? Are you free tonight?”  
She was in a wheelchair from her injuries, but she was okay,and that’s all that mattered.  
“My date to the pep rally kinda blew….me off. I was hoping maybe we could pop some jiffy pop, watch a movie. Something with a happy ending.”  
She looked down at the floor, “Are there happy endings?”  
“I can’t promise there won’t be people like Tony in the world, high school may not ever end, but I miss you and I’d be honored if you let me be your friend.”  
“I’d like that very much.”  
I held my hand out, as a symbolic invite for Thor to hang out with Peggy and I tonight. He looked at Bruce and he gave Thor a disgusted look that he would even consider taking us up on the offer. He then looked back at Peggy and I and took my hand.  
“Alright you guys, I say we all be seventeen tonight.” I announced to my classmates smiling for the first time in what felt like forever.  
\--Tony’s POV--  
I looked down at everything happening at Westerburg high with Clint and Nate at my sides, Steve had done good. He’s gonna make Westerburg a better place. Bucky showed up behind us,  
“Wow, I’m surprised they let you in.” I told him, only half joking.  
“I’m shocked too,but I’m not gonna question it. I’m sorry for everything I did.”  
Clint glared at him, “You think an apology is going to make up for it all asshole?”  
“Now boys we have to remember that he sort of freed us,our suicide notes were spot on. Just because we didn’t kill ourselves over our problems doesn’t mean that’s not how we felt. Especially you two.”  
Nate scowled, “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“Oh please we’ve all known since freshman year you two were fucking. You never left each other’s sides, literally, ever. I’m not saying we should forgive him so easily, but open your minds to it, maybe someday we can forgive him. Now come on, we have to watch the shaping of a better place.”  
Steve, Thor and Peggy were watching The Princess Bride that night and shoving their face with whatever snacks that were in the house, laughing and smiling. By the time the movie ended Peggy had fallen asleep and it was just Steve and Thor.  
“Hey Steve,”  
“Yeah?”  
“Would you maybe like to go out sometime?”  
Steve sighed, “I’m sorry, but my boyfriend just blew up this afternoon and I have a lot of guilt to work through. Who knows what the future holds, but for now, I just need friends, and despite rejection, I hope you can be one of them.”  
Thor smiled, “I understand. I’d love to be your friend.”  
“Ya know guys, I was kinda worried Steve was going crazy down there. He thought we were constantly tormenting him.” I told them, “Hopefully that ends soon. My manifestation was not _nearly_ attractive enough.”  
Steve was right, life can be beautiful, but you can't just expect it to be. You have to work to make it so, and I know for a fact he won't stop until it is. \---THE END---

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback would be appreciated.


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